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“House Of The Dragon” Episode 5 Recap: Every Thought I Had WHILE YOU’RE WATCHING

1. Okay, where are we starting this week?

2. Oh, that is Lady Rhea! So we should be at Runestone.

3. Which means this may be the woman Daemon has been calling ugly? Just what a dick.

4. Uh oh.

5. I could see what’s coming and I can’t stand it.

6. Gottem with the sheep line, at the very least.

7. Rhea’s clearly gonna die but she’s gonna venture out dealing sick burns.

8. OH GOD the crunching sound.

9. Horrific.

10. Also horrific, Viserys’s sea sickness. Gross!

11. Otto Hightower, still putting a significant amount of pressure on his teenage daughter.

12. He’s not wrong though! He’s virtually calling it just as it will happen.

13. Lol poor Viserys. This trip is rough on him.

14. Um, like, is he likely to ensure it is? This… may be his last episode. I can’t stand that cough.

15. Wow, Corlys still being petty.

16. Lord Larys, doing his best Littlefinger impression here. Or more of a Varys impression? In any event, here’s our new manipulator.

17. Ohhh, he spilled the tea concerning the tea.

18. I didn’t even consider this, concerning the Velaryon vs. Targaryen name for the heirs. At the very least everyone’s being reasonable about any of it here.

19. This duck and goose conversation is sending me.

20. Rhaenyra suggesting the open relationship right from the start!

21. Ah, Ser Laenor is gay. Well, this may be the easiest option for the both of these, honestly.

22. Look at Corlys, being problematic about his son but an ally about his wife in exactly the same scene.

23. Ser Criston is breaking my heart here

24. Bless him, he’s trying.

25. “You need me to be your whore.” Poor Criston.

26. Oh no, Viserys is collapsing to the bottom now. I’m seriously going to google just how many episodes he’s got left. Is this it? Nobody tell me.

27. Alicent has been TOO VAGUE.

28. Ser Criston USUALLY DO NOT SAY ANYTHING.

29. NOOOOOOO.

30. Say less, Criston.

31. Seriously, if he previously not interrupted…

32. OH my god, just how he’s like “please just execute me rather than torturing me.” Holy shit.

33. Like, I knew Rhaenyra was putting him in an awful spot and abusing her power, but I did so not know the punishment was TORTURE.

34. Justice for that other Maester who’s like, “Maybe we ought to try some herbal medicine rather than more leeches?”

35. And the Grandmaester is similar to, “Shut up and obtain more leeches.”

36. Love Paddy Considine’s performance in this scene!

37. The theory that he’d be disappointed he ruled in peace and comfort is kinda sad, tbh.

38. After all, he set in place a number of events that may bring ruin to his entire dynasty, however the poor guy was just attempting to do the proper thing usually.

39. Weddings make me nervous with this show.

40. After all, we’ve literally never really had a marriage that didn’t result in some type of chaos.

41. Considering there’s only 15 roughly minutes left in this episode, I don’t believe it’s all likely to be happy dancing.

42. But you can hope!

43. Oh great, Daemon’s here.

44. My guess is Gerald Royce is gonna start shit.

45. Good lord, did ANYONE arrive to the wedding promptly?

46. Oooh, that line concerning the beacon lit green for war was an excellent one. Chilling.

47. I really like just how much Rhaenyra is actually bored by the dancing.

48. Yuuup, here’s Ser Royce calling out Daemon! Get his ass, tbh.

49. Dammit, I cannot help but love Daemon although way Matt Smith delivers lines like, “I’m positively bereft.”

50. Oh, he’s attempting to inherit Runestone from her.

51. It’s hard to love a Joffrey, but Laenor’s boyfriend makes sense and he’s bringing the name around for me personally.

52. Look at him determining Criston immediately.

53. Rhaenyra, it really is your WEDDING. You’re being MESSY together with your UNCLE again.

54. Oh god, what’s happening.

55. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT WEDDINGS WITH THIS SHOW??

56. Who’s it?

57. Oh noooo no no.

58. Not Ser Criston! Not the nice Joffrey!

59. That has been absolutely horrendous.

60. Ugh. Sickening.

61. Poor Laenor.

62. Is Alicent STILL likely to spare Criston?

63. Truly disturbing final shot.

64. The next time there is a wedding with this show, I’m just gonna transform it off.

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